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Friday, March 10, 2017

Changing Time

     If the universe would grant me the chance to travel back time, I would gladly accept it. It would be my outlet in correcting several unlikely events that happened in my past.

     First, I would go back to the time when I was still in grade school where I was so nice and timid. It was those days when I was being bullied by my classmates and schoolmates. I could imagine my present self looking at the younger me - law abiding, nice, and defenseless. I would want to correct that moment. I would want to fight back and prove them that I'm not the right person to mess with. Altering this moment would let me earn respect at an early stage.

     Second, I would go back to the night when I threw the milk that my mother made for me simply because I want to drink juice instead. It hurts me every time I remember that boy. He was so insensitive of his actions. He didn't feel any emotions from other people. All he ever felt was his own. I would want to correct that moment. I would want to drink that milk and express my gratitude towards my mom for making sure that my body gains enough nutrients. Altering this moment would have made me such a loving boy.

     Third, I would go back to the time when you broke my heart. It was in that moment when I felt that my worth isn't good enough. I would want to see details that transpired between the two of us. I would want to know where this faithful guy went wrong. I would want to correct those days. I would want to turn myself into someone worthier of your choice - the choice to stay. Altering this moment would have made me valuable. 

     There are events that happened in my life that I would want to redo. Every unlikely details stitched on this fabric of time serves as my scars, which tainted my present being. Restitching them is my primary choice if ever the universe would allow me to travel back time. But... the universe didn't made any offer. I don't have that chance, I don''t have that capability, and I don't have that luxury. 

     Those events remain as part of my memories. Those events, in one way or another, made an impact to who I am today. I can't redo my past now. All I'm capable of is to make sure that I'm doing the right mistake at the moment. That right mistake that would lead me in becoming the man, who is well-respected, loving, and valuable to the eyes of many and to the conscience of this universe.

I don't have the choice to redo, but I do have the chance to become. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Broken Valentine

     Walking on this street where hearts and roses wander, I found myself carrying a bleeding heart. For some, Valentine's day is a commemoration of this particular emotion called love. But for me, this day reminds me of the time when a piece of my heart stopped.

     It was Valentine's day, three years ago, when fate took her away from me. It happened on this same ground where familiar scenes took place - couples walking with their hands locked with each other, guys carrying flowers, and girls fully dressed. We were once like those chosen few, who celebrate Valentine's day every year, until... she was shot. Three bullets went straight to her heart. Fate spared no chance for her to continue that one precious life.   

     Images became grey for me. It was as if everything were bare concrete and everyone were silhouettes. Everything's grey except for her blood. That angry red blood covering the street, which made it appear like her body was just laid on a piece of an elegant blanket. Rose petals scattered on top of her lifeless form. And voices of hauling angels were heard from afar.

     I can still recall every bit of yesterday's pictures. Piece by piece, these pictures were placed side by side like a big montage of sorrow. Like a monument of a lost fight, here I am standing with a heavy heart... Lamenting in despair.

     I can't help not to compare her tragic fate from my uncertain life. Her heart was shot, but mine suddenly stopped; her life was taken away, yet I became lifeless; she is not capable of living at the present while I am not capable of leaving my past.

     Slowly, gravity made me bend on the ground. It was as if I was looking for tangible memories that would suffice my longing. How I wish that the earth would suddenly crumble and swallow me. How I wish my agony ends here.   

     Time resumes on the dot... colors are back... Valentine's day is finally over. I'm free from sorrow's prison [for now]. It's time to go home. Will live a normal life for the next three hundred plus days until... this day comes... this day people called... Valentine's.

Image source: https://www.pinterest.com/tulli1/dried-flowers/ 

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