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Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Broken Valentine

     Walking on this street where hearts and roses wander, I found myself carrying a bleeding heart. For some, Valentine's day is a commemoration of this particular emotion called love. But for me, this day reminds me of the time when a piece of my heart stopped.

     It was Valentine's day, three years ago, when fate took her away from me. It happened on this same ground where familiar scenes took place - couples walking with their hands locked with each other, guys carrying flowers, and girls fully dressed. We were once like those chosen few, who celebrate Valentine's day every year, until... she was shot. Three bullets went straight to her heart. Fate spared no chance for her to continue that one precious life.   

     Images became grey for me. It was as if everything were bare concrete and everyone were silhouettes. Everything's grey except for her blood. That angry red blood covering the street, which made it appear like her body was just laid on a piece of an elegant blanket. Rose petals scattered on top of her lifeless form. And voices of hauling angels were heard from afar.

     I can still recall every bit of yesterday's pictures. Piece by piece, these pictures were placed side by side like a big montage of sorrow. Like a monument of a lost fight, here I am standing with a heavy heart... Lamenting in despair.

     I can't help not to compare her tragic fate from my uncertain life. Her heart was shot, but mine suddenly stopped; her life was taken away, yet I became lifeless; she is not capable of living at the present while I am not capable of leaving my past.

     Slowly, gravity made me bend on the ground. It was as if I was looking for tangible memories that would suffice my longing. How I wish that the earth would suddenly crumble and swallow me. How I wish my agony ends here.   

     Time resumes on the dot... colors are back... Valentine's day is finally over. I'm free from sorrow's prison [for now]. It's time to go home. Will live a normal life for the next three hundred plus days until... this day comes... this day people called... Valentine's.

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Saturday, December 31, 2016

An Ending Year and a Broken Heart

     Hello there, Mr. nice guy! What's your problem now? Having a heartache just days or hours right before this year officially ends? I know that you feel terrible especially that a very special occasion is coming up - new year. So what, if your breakup or heartache coincides with this worldwide occasion that requires you to wear that dazzling smile and happy heart? You should be thankful anyway. Don't get me wrong, my friend. I'm not being hypocrite here. All I'm saying is that you should be glad that it happened right before new year.
     New year has thousands of reasons to cheer you up, Mr. nice guy. As a belief by many, new year is a start of new beginnings. Now is the perfect time to begin with a new you... a new heart! Congratulations!

But what about my feelings, Matt?

     Yes, I'm still here to talk about things that will help you cope up with that tragic love thing. Believe me, my friend, I did think of you while I'm on a plane floating at the night sky; I was thinking about what you feel while gazing at those shimmering urban street lights that create a breathtaking panorama; and I was internalizing your heavy emotions alongside with that agonizing air pressure inside my ears. Yes, this blog post is dedicated to people just like you - heartbroken right before new year.

     As I have mentioned, you should be thankful that it happened days or hours before year 2016 ends. It's the end of the season and as you may have noticed, stores around you are having their year-end sale. Those discounts weren't really meant for generosity's sake. They were meant to dispose old supplies in order to give way for replacements. New stocks would eventually come in and they need a good amount of space or display areas. Yes, replacements. Anything old needs to be replaced with something new to entice lurking eyes. Old styles are now undervalued while new ones get the rightful value. Old styles need to be undervalued because their presence isn't that effective anymore. The market is at low. Same with you, you've been undervalued, left out, and broken into pieces. Your presence to her has faded. Just imagine if you're like some of those clothes, which presence were ineffective since day one of the year... or at least at the middle of the year. It would be very horrible. You might feel trashy for the remaining days of the year. So cheer up! you have hours left to feel trashy for a certain year. It's time to look forward for this coming year. Time to be positive.

But how am I supposed to feel that way, Matt? I'm hurt.

     Yes. You are hurt. And as I have mentioned, new year gives thousands of reasons to be happy. Time to move on... real quick. As of the moment, you are like those old clothes - torn and tarnished. You've been worn a lot of times. You've stood the test of time, yet your time is finally over. You're over. You're just as good as a year - merely passing and fading. If you remain torn and tarnished for this coming year, you'll end up in the trashcan. Before you know it, scavengers are already feasting on you. No more positive new year for you. How to survive? Simple, my friend. You have to undergo upcycling.  

     By definition, upcycling or "creative reuse" is the process of transforming old products into new ones with better quality and better value. You simply have to become the better you. But this blog post isn't about teaching you how to be better (wait for my next blog post), this is more on facing the year with gladness. Going back, you can't undergo upcycling when you're not fully ready. Being ready means letting go of that old broken self. Go on, Mr. nice guy, it's time to leave those heavy baggage behind. You can't embrace a year wholeheartedly and very positively while having those termites with you. Don't let them turn you into dust. 

What to do, again?

     Any moment now, people will be celebrating the coming of 2017. Be sure to have good vibes with you as this celebration requires a happy heart. A happy heart means not holding on with those negative pieces within. Release them now! Look around you, there are firecrackers and fireworks everywhere. Why not list down all your negative emotions and tie it up to firecrackers or fireworks. Light them up... kaboom! Say goodbye to your feelings! Aren't they beautiful? Those burning grudges turned into beautiful display of lights. Yes, it's not enough to just burn and watch your brokenness turn to ashes. By all means, shout it out loud! Release those remaining pain while those firecrackers or fireworks are at play! Remember that no one can hear you as your action accompanies loud noise. Just shout it out, my friend. Shout it out. Don't be friendly and sentimental. You have to release them out. Feeling OK now? Then you're ready. If not, look everywhere. Other things such as trumpets/horns or drums are made available for you. Release those remaining pain by blowing those cute horns or by beating those drums. No need to be ashamed of... it's new year's eve, my friend. You are not the only one hitting those instruments to make noise. Few more pain? Eat it out. There are a lot of sweets served on your table. Indulge until you feel great! See? New year's eve has thousands of reasons to help you cope up. There are many more ways, just look around you. Be creative. 

     Ready for new year? I bet you do. Time to wash out those tears, clean up, and embrace this year with a very light feeling. Enjoy the celebration! Greet 2017 with a positive heart and a promise to begin the year with full of hopes. 

You've surpassed a year of being broken. 
You've moved on that quick. 
You're ready.

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